What a long long time it's been! I haven't posted in a while (shock), and although most of that is down to a lack of time over the past few months, there has been something holding me back from posting. It's been a hard realisation, coming to terms with my actions so I'm just going to say it...
I am on a diet.
I feel so sad writing those words, and I really hope that it doesn't upset anyone reading this but unfortunately it is the truth. For the last couple of weeks I've been cutting out the old crispy chicken baguettes from Greggs (cry) and swapping it for a SALAD. Although it essentially is a diet, I really don't like to refer to it as that, I'm also averse to the terms 'lifestyle change', 'healthy living' and 'making smarter decisions'. Stripping it all back, I'm just eating a lot more fruit and veg and trying to think a bit harder about what I'm putting in my body - this has led to me losing weight.
In everyday life I am constantly preaching messages of self-love and self-acceptance, and I always try to stop people getting into 'diet-mode'. Food shouldn't be associated with feelings of shame, guilt or embarrassment - if you want to eat something, eat it! Enjoy it! No regrets. So I suppose I have been reluctant to post on this blog as I currently feel like a huge hypocrite, especially after having written an entire blog post on how unhealthy and damaging diet culture and more specifically diet-based businesses can be.
I would really like to emphasise that this 'lifestyle change' has come from a place of self love and not from a place of feeling like my body needs to change. Having now graduated from university (woo!), I am in such a better place mentally - I've been loving work, spending time with my boyfriend and family, getting back into a positive routine, and it makes seeing my best pals even more special. Although I'm doing just fine now, retrospectively I can see that I had really neglected myself when I was struggling with anxiety throughout final year; I wasn't eating proper meals, I rarely left the house and I felt panicky and low more often than not.
Differing from about 3 years ago, I can proudly say that I'm really happy with who I am as a person. I'm feeling myself at the min, so I felt like I owed myself a bit more in the old self-care department. Sure the odd face mask and essential oil diffuser is a nice touch, but in the wider sense I wasn't really putting in much effort. I'm pleased to announce I've now got a FULL SKINCARE ROUTINE and I think that means I'm officially a woman, but obviously I've also been thinking a lot more about what I'm putting in to fuel my body, ready to cut about being a bad bitch.
I'm literally being so dramatic even writing this post because I've only lost about half a stone but I just felt like it was important to think about how going on a 'diet' doesn't necessarily come from a place of negativity, but instead a form of self care as an extension of loving yourself and your body. I'm still a big ass jiggly bitch (and I still love it) but I'm now just running on spinach instead of pork scratchings, with the odd mac and cheese as a treat.
I really hope this blog post makes sense, and I'm excited to get back into blogging!